I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
