She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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