The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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