I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
