I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
