My nipple is on Facebook.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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