3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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