I just pynch a tree in the face
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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