Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
