meet me or not, i'm out of control
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
