Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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