I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
