DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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