lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
