i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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