Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize