you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
