So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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