So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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