Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
