Me. At least after what I've been through.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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