For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
