I think I died a long time ago.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
