He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
