glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
