I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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