Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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