Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize