So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
