I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
