i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
