At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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