This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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