i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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