just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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