My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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