Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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