my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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