ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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