Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
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If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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