That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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