i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
