thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
