apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
