theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
