Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
