sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
