I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
