You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
