I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dicks are not precious.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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