Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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