Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
