I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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