if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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