She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
