i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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