guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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