Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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