something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
