I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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