Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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