You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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