Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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