Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
