Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
