you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
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I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
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I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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