I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
