Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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