Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
