A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
