Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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