I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
