The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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