How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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